Just when I feel like things are starting to look up I feel down again. I'm sure this won't last as long. It's just that I don't think I have been myself lately, I don't know why I have been so caught up in things that don't matter. The only times I feel good are when I am reading my scriptures. And why is it that everyone I know seems to be freaking out about the dumbest things. My honest feelings are if we would just take a step back and see how blessed we are then, we would be happier. I know that I have been blessed in many ways, yet I can't help but question why I have been so hurt this last year, what was it for? I know that my Heavenly Father will take care of me, but was it really necessary for me to go through so much pain, and why does it still continue, it doesn't seem to be going away very quickly. It even seems to me I have been jaded by the entire experience, I have noticed that I am really hesitant to let anyone really know me anymore. I don't know if I brought these things upon myself because of my own mistakes or if it just needed to happen, but I still don't understand it, I just don't. So far all that I have felt from this is inadequate and like a dumb girl without control of her emotions. I pray everyday that things will make sense, that I will understand. All I understand is that I care for someone and they don't care as much as I do, and that just hurts, it hurts a lot.
Don't get me wrong I have been very happy lately, but these things have been on my mind, and it feels good to get them out there, where ever there is?! But I have had a lot of fun I am very thankful to Angenelle and Andrew for all they do for me and for being my friends. I know I am being blessed everyday, someday I think I may be able to look back at all this and understand, as for right now, I don't understand it still.
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