Work, Life, Kids, Wants, Fire

As excited as I am to have a little baby girl, and as fun and new and different being pregnant is.... I have to admit I am going to miss a lot of the freedom I had being kidless, of course I don't think that having a kid puts me in any kind of bondage, in fact I am sure that having a little child will make me feel quite the opposite. But Joe is starting his job with the Forest Service, and he has been talking about how the next season is going to go, and how he hopes that there will be a lot of fires, etc.....and I feel myself get anxious, and thinking how much I wish I could do one more season of fire. I wanted to be on a hand crew so much this year, after being on an engine for two years, in fact I was planning on working for the Pleasant Grove District, and I was super excited about it, I know everyone on the crew already, and Joe would be working on the same Forest. Chances were we would get to work together quite a bit. I know having a baby will be much more fulfilling but I am already putting aside my own wants and this is just the beginning. I know there will be much bigger wants put aside for the sake of my family, and children, I guess I am just use to doing what I want, well atleast for the last 6 years I got pretty use to doing anything and everything that popped into my little head. I know that I will probably not get to go and fight another fire in my lifetime, and this is sad to me. I loved the thrill of getting that call over the radio's and the rush of climbing in the fire engine and flying down the road, while looking at maps, trying to pin point the exact location of the fire. The smell of the smoke as we got closer and the sight of flames climbing up trees and creeping into grass, rolling over bushes and even jumping roads when the wind pushes it. Although I seldom felt in danger there were a few ocasions that I can remember that I felt my instinct kick in and I knew that our situation wasn't looking good. As unlogical as it sounds after the fact, and after experiencing this rush I actually liked it. I didn't go searching for it, but it was exillerating. Maybe one day when I am not too old and my kids are grown I can work for the forest service and they will give me one more exciting oppurtunity to fight a fire.